“It’s going to be nuts!” That was the succinct, declarative observation of someone planning to shop during the dwindling days before next Wednesday. The Christmas shopping countdown is down to about three-and-half days. Or, as this is written about 84 hours. Ummm no, make that 83 hours, 59 minutes and 54, 53, 52 — well, you get it — seconds. Tick, tick, tick.

Not done shopping? No sweat. Join the crowd.

Crunch time is here. The final sprint before the big day has arrived. That will inflate crowds like one of those giant blow up lawn Santas that juvenile punks relish thrashing when they are not getting blown into the street. Er, the balloons, not the punks.

If you are among the thousands who still have to shop — and we imagine you just might be, human nature being what it is and all — take some common sense along with your cash, debit and credits cards. The words “mob frenzy” come to mind.

Remember that you will not be alone. Unless you are shopping at three in the morning. If even alone then. Expect to practice the patience of Job. Over and over. Lines will be long. And, yeah, for many of us the biggest Scrooge going around is all the flu and other illnesses.

Many shopped online. Note past tense because given the waning days until Christmas if you order something right now, it is unlikely going to get your way in time. If it does, beware of porch pirates. So buckle up and head onward. If you think a ton of shoppers are discouraged from going out, trying driving past a shopping mall, big box store or other retail plaza parking lot. Right up until the final retailers’ doors close Christmas Eve.

Presumably stores, especially the large box stores which never seem to ever have all registers open at the same time –and exactly why is that? — actually will be fully staffed at checkout lines. Then again, maybe not. But after all, if not now when would they ever be? Be tolerant of inconsiderate shoppers who don’t quite grasp the concept that express lines are meant for those with just a few items — not a brimming cart.

And, of course, as wont to happen, expect to get stuck with the shopping cart with the noisy, squeaky wheel that abruptly jams about every third revolution. Clickety-clack, clickety-clack. Yeah, that one. Happens to us all the time. Expect children to cry and angry shoppers to rant if not, well, cry too. ‘Tis the season.

Expect to not find all that you are seeking. Don’t forget that holiday shopping can transform into a scavenger hunt. Sometimes others get to the discount items before you do. For instance, if you don’t find that Baby Caca Cake doll for your daughter or granddaughter, remember there are other toys. Hundreds and hundreds of them. Many of which nowadays fart and do other such things. Seriously. Slime is also a hit among children. Makes for great ceiling and lamp decor when tossed all over the house by kids on a hot chocolate buzz. Like a certain editor’s, wink, grandboys turned interior decorators. Those lovable, mischievous tykes!

And there is something called kinetic sand. Have fun getting that out of the upholstery. Think of a gift backup plan. Hunting for something in the Star Wars line? May the Force be with you. You will need it — what with roughly as many choices of that brand’s products as there are stars in the sky. Actually, probably more.

Remember that you may have to search long and hard for an available parking spot. And that spot you finally stake a claim to might be hundreds of yards away from the store. Which will seem like miles. Take a flare gun and overnight bag along just in case. Kidding. Well sort of. Think of the long walk from your parking space as a holiday cardio workout.

Remember that thieves thrive during the holiday season. Don’t make it easy for them. Keep a vice grip on wallets and purses. Secure your vehicle, place gifts in the trunk and even scoop any loose change from your cup holder. Thieves peering into cars have “Ted Williams vision.” Desperate punks often deal (in turn, as do drug dealers) in nickels, dimes and quarters. Even pennies. Keep your temperament in check. Stay in your shopping cart traffic lane. Stay calm and avoid any shopping cart aisle rage. Remember to shop locally whenever possible. That is good for our local economy: helps keep jobs intact, helps local business owners and helps keeps a sturdy tax base which benefits all residents.

Remember that frustration, exhaustion and sometimes anger are part and parcel with the final days of holiday shopping. Expect and accept that and your experience will be at least a bit easier. If you feel compelled to be cautious and wear a circa Covid era mask, certainly do so. If you feel one is not warranted, we respect that decision, too. But we should all respect another’s personal space and surely their right to make personal decisions. Even when you are arm-wrestling someone for that scarce Baby Caca Cake doll. Ours is a free country, right?

Here’s hoping you find that elusive empty parking space and shopping carts with recently-greased wheels and each and every gift on your list. But remember the reason for holiday shopping: it feels great to give to those you love, especially when it comes to children. Giving is a part of the Yuletide spirit. Revel in it. Nuts and all. The clock is ticking. May the Christmas Force be with you. Tick, tick, tick.