Today, I am going to talk about mothers, mine in particular. I hope you will indulge me.

We lost Mom in late summer 2011. There isn’t a day that I don’t remember her for something good she did in my life. Maybe you think about the wonders of your own mother and how she influenced your life … in youth … and then in adulthood.

My mother’s name was Goldie. If you knew her, you know she was a Noble Woman. (If you need more info about what – or rather who – the Noble Woman is, read Proverbs 31, beginning about verse 13.) Mom couldn’t perform miracles, but she always, ALWAYS, did her best. She taught me to do the same.

“Nobody can ask for more than your best,” she said. “And if something is worth doing, it’s worth doing your best.”

Sometimes life seemed next to impossible. I was 7-years-old when my dad and a ladder came down and Dad’s hip was broken. After that there were a lot of medical bills, between Dad and my brother, Bill, so money was tight. There was no money coming in when Dad was off work for six months at a time. Mom tried to get food stamps but was denied. We heated with a coal furnace. The church near us where we went sometimes, had coal delivered to heat the house, a compassionate, empathetic act that offered reassurance of the worthiness of love and caring for us, lessons in humbleness, gratitude, and the grace of God.

I remember being upset because someone bullied me, making me hate myself. But Mom was there to tell me, “Everyone isn’t going to like you. That’s OK, because you aren’t going to particularly like everyone you meet, either.”

Even more upsetting to me was the brown-eyed boy at school who seemed to be out to humiliate me every time he saw me. Mom chuckled and said, “Boys only tease the girls they like. He’s just trying to get your attention!” I didn’t believe her until about 20 years later when we were adults, our paths crossed again and I saw acceptance and friendship in his eyes. He was not my enemy.

My mother was a wise woman. She had a lot on her plate, as do mothers today. She still made time for each of us, my brothers and me. Dad wasn’t home much. It’s not easy being both mother and father. But sometimes it just has to be.

I remember the sun shining through the open kitchen window, the curtains gently lifting when a breeze passed through. We didn’t drink much soda pop at our house, so it was a special moment between just my mother and me, sitting at the table, a 32-ounce glass bottle of 7-up and tumblers of ice between us. We talked about anything and everything. There wasn’t time to do this often, but it was time enough, I guess, because I knew my mother loved me, even if she didn’t say it. Sometimes words aren’t needed. She had high standards that she lived and expected from us. Not one of the three of us ever wanted to disappoint her. She always was there when we needed her.

“Housework will always be waiting,” she said. “Kids won’t.”

Were we an inconvenience to her? Probably at times. Did she get annoyed, sometimes angry? Yes. But she was self-controlled and she taught me to be the same. She taught patience because “everyone isn’t as capable as you are.” She taught tolerance, “We never see ourselves as others see us.” She taught, “Clean up your own doorstep before you start on someone else’s. Mind your own business and you will probably have enough to keep you busy.” Everyone needs to be self-sufficient.

“Don’t follow the crowd. They will lead you down the primrose path and when they have taken all you have of value you will find yourself alone. Think for yourself. Make your own choices,” or when we were annoying, “Use your head for something besides a hat rack.”

I asked Mom, “Am I pretty?”

She hesitated.

Um.

Then she said, “Every mama duck thinks her babies are the prettiest and best.”

I had a face only my mama could love? Years later we spoke of it. She said, “That isn’t what I meant! I didn’t know you thought that.” By then I had figured out that she did not want me to be arrogant, full of myself. Today we would call it narcissism. She was teaching me to be humble, to appreciate what I had.

Mom was a shining star and I was blessed that her light shone on me. She loved to laugh, to have visitors in her home, to sit with friends early in the day drinking a cup of “mud.” She did everything she could to give my brothers and me what we needed. It’s what moms are supposed to do. When you become a mom, commitment is required. Commitment means you are no longer the center of the universe. You are much more important as the hub of the family, the soft place where our loved ones need to land when they are troubled or just tired and need their Rock. Mom is the Rock!

Children need parents who are parents, not their best friends. The best friends part comes much later, after the children have reached adulthood. Parenting isn’t easy. There are no days off, not even for good behavior. There are untimely demands when a child is ill or melting down. We love our children and want to wrap around them like bubble wrap, to protect them, shelter them. They need discipline so they will learn to discipline themselves. They need a bit of freedom at a time so they know what to do with it when they become fully independent. They need patience so they will understand that it’s OK to make a mistake, to learn from it and do better the next time. They need love. Sometimes Mom or Dad is stressed out and self-control is an issue. Practice makes perfect. Every day starts with a clean slate.

Thank you for reading. I hope the words from my heart touch your heart and give you the encouragement you need to explore your own gratitude for the people who love you, even when you are at your worst.

Family Recovery Center offers mental health services as well as addiction services. The goal is for the health and well-being of all. For more information about the education, prevention and treatment programs for substance abuse and related behavioral issues, contact the agency at 964 N. Market St., Lisbon; phone, 330-424-1468; or email, info@familyrecovery.org. Visit the website at familyrecovery.org. FRC is funded in part by United Way of Northern Columbiana County.